Sir Isaac Newton's First Law of Motion

Objects in motion will remain in motion unless acted upon by an outside force. Objects at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an outside force. Matthew Olzmann is an object at rest, and will remain at rest, reclining on the couch while drinking Guinness and watching football. Or, he is an object at rest, and will remain at rest, sprawled over the couch while drinking Guinness and watching hockey. Or, he could be merely napping on the couch, having already finished a Guinness, and though the TV is on, he's not watching, because it's three in thek afternoon and there's nothing to watch. Where does Matthew Olzmann go when he shuts his lovely eyes and dreams his lovely dreams about drinking Guinness while hunting saber-toothed tigers? Obviously, he goes nowhere. Let me say this again. The man is an object at rest, a legendary object at rest, and will remain at rest unless acted upon by his wife, who comes home shortly and will remind him to take out the garbage or go to the grocery store. Matthew Olzmann would have performed these duties by now, but it's hard to rise from this couch, impossible actually, if one believes in physics. Matthew Olzmann believes in physics. Let no one say he did not believe.