Primary Victims of the Sandy Hook Murders: “I usually cry when I say 26”

•The Sandy Hook shootings caused emotional, relational, and physiological responses in victims.•Often, their well-being was compromised in favor of community, corporate, and government stakeholders.•Affected families guided their style of coping through various means.•Perception of social support was both positive and negative.•Helpful interactions obtained consent, promoted safety, and were sensitive to their needs.•Community and systems responses lacked sensitivity, deference, and competence.•This unpreparedness further revictimized primary victims.•Training is needed, along with fiscal accountability, to address primary victim needs after mass shootings.•Participants coped by taking action, remembering their loved ones, and helping others.